The Don'ts: Better Late than Never

We sort through the galleries of fucked-up hipsters at The Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party and Misshapes so you don't have to. Then we bring you our 10 favorites each Friday morning. Enjoy.

Christmas came early for the Blue States Lose staff this year. The perfect storm of Fashion Week and CMJ has created an astounding surplus of Don'ts in New York to choose from. If you've never visited Last Night's Party or The Cobrasnake - unlikely, we know, but still - for God's sakes man this is the week to comb through the pictures. The sites are so flush with douchebags we considered doing a Top 20. But with all this CMJ funitude going on around, we ran a little short on time. All of these are funny and ridiculous enough to stand on their own without captions, but c'mon, we wouldn't take the easy way out and let you down like that. If New York doesn't get wiped off the face of the Earth by an earthquake or tidal wave or whathaveyou by the end of this weekend, we hate to admit it but God doesn't exist.

10) Last Night's Party. Happy Valley photo #0276: Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Superfag knows.

9) Misshapes. Sept. 10, 2005 photo #024: Boo hoo I'm so sad because my leotard's still at the cleaners and now I have to play records for all these people which is the only two hours of work I do in an entire week and I still somehow make a comfortable living from it and this is the time every Saturday night when I put on "Love Will Tear Us Apart" and Ian Curtis was just beautiful and why did he have to go so young and isn't life just awful?

8) Misshapes. Sept. 10, 2005 photo #029: This guy is actually our hero. The people who dress in these ridiculous outfits at Misshapes think they're being so cutting-edge and cool, but this guy was just like, "Fuck it, I'm going to be ridiculous just for the sake of being ridiculous and it'll show these dumbasses not to take themselves so seriously." Well done, sir. Doesn't change the fact that you look like an absolute fucking retard, though.

7) Misshapes. Sept. 10, 2005 photo #154: His older brothers raped him. Seriously, if you can think of any other explanation, shit, we're all ears. But let's look at the evidence in an objective light: His older brothers raped him.

6) Misshapes. Sept. 10, 2005 photo #131: Regretfully, the executioner knotted the noose too small, and meth-addled Paris Hiltonman was free to use his bedazzler as he damn well pleased. Fly high, little eagle. Your beauty is one that needs to soar amongst the Gods.

5) The Cobrasnake. New Yorks Shitty photo #2659: The whole excess eye-makeup thing has really gotten out of control. Even the animal kingdom is latching on to the trend. When prompted for comment on the situation, PETA responded, "OK OK...we're switching up our position a little. Fur is no longer murder. Actually, if you see these motherfuckers out on the street, aim for the head. Bonus points for one-shot kills, dooooodz."

4) Last Night's Party. Estuay & Movida photo #9785: Lately we've been thinking about our own mortality, because it's fairly evident that when we check out for good this column will send us straight to hell. We're wondering about a lot of things. How will we pass the time in the fiery pits of eternal damnation? What form will the Dark Lord take when he appears in front of us? Well, at least we got an answer to the latter. Now about those flames...

3) Last Night's Party. 'Stache II photo #8859: Let's play a little game of Where's Waldo, shall we? Can you spot the stupid-looking person in this picture? If you look really really hard we think you'll be able to find him/her. It's a tough one, we know, but we have faith in you. Seriously, don't give up. We know you're going to click on it and at first you're going to be all frustrated and everything because the stupid-looking person will be so hard to find. But we assure you, there is a stupid-looking person in this. It just might take a little work to catch. Good luck.

2) Last Night's Party. 'Stache II photo #8605: If you love your genitals, and their ability to perform certain functions, please-don't look at this. For the love of all that is holy, just. don't. look. at. this. Fuck, man! We warned you. Better grab the classifieds and cross your fingers for some rare eunuch openings.

1) The Cobrasnake. Papas Fritas photo #8619: Luckily, the three made it out of New Orleans relatively unscathed. Hurricane Katrina's high-speed winds had simply made them that much more fabulous. They send their best to the victims, though. Can't you see the looks of concern on their faces?